his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
