would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
