Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
