Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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