Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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