today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
