I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
