So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
