At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
