4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
