I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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