"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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