he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
