good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
