hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
