He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize