Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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