I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
