So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize