turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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