He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You're a waste of cheezeits
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
