I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
