..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
