i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
