if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize