Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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