No subtext here. People are naked.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
