i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
