why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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