she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
