Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
