if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
