Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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