funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
