Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
