I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
