I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
