im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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