Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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