Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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