so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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