Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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