I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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