I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I love you. Go after that dick
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
