Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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