when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Also, beer. Big fan.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize