It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
