doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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