omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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