I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Randomize
