we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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