party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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