At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
