This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
