Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
sex in a hospital.. check
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Damn victory sex feels great
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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