it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
