she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
