You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
