He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
