12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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