I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
