Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
