6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
