White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
