How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
