Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
