Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
