Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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