We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
