the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize