I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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