You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm like, not good at living.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
