Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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