I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
