well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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