I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
