I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
