yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
