You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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