dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
