He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize