I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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