dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
