She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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