I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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