Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
