The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
