I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
it glows. i had to have it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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