I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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