I'm really into asian looking animals
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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