Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
