the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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