So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i wish my penis had a tongue
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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