I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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