My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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