You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So much Jack, so little girl.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
