I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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