I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She bit a glass in half.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I will pee on everything he values.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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