The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
