If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize